7:15 PM >> EURO2007 [finally]

So in case you did not know, the Wifey and I just returned from a 14-day barnstorm of Europe (Rome, Florence, Amsterdam, Paris, in that order). Hopefully we left that continent indelibly changed. My hopeful plan upon embarking was to blog each night about the happenings during the day. However, I encountered the EuroBlog-Paradox >> Whenever I was awake, I wanted to be outside doing things in Europe, and whenever I was not awake, I was asleep. And then whenever I did get on the internet, I'm sorry but Fantasy Baseball preparations had to take precedence. So no blogging occurred. But to appease the masses and alleviate my guilt, I am now going to fake-blog each day as if I am living them in the present even though that is a lie. Also, I will start now with my first thoughts about each city. Which I should not be able to do in the fake-blog because I should not have gone anywhere but Rome. But since this whole blog is a House of Lies, who cares.

Here we go >>

ROME
Rome is like New York, except smaller, more compacted, older, dirtier, more crowded, and with more sports arenas. Seriously this city is so crowded that one day a pigeon flew into my face as I was crossing the street. Also, every bar in Rome is an Irish pub. I never found out why.

Least Favorite Aspect (LFA): The Italians in line behind me were always pushing into me.
Most Favorite Aspect (MFA): I got to touch the walls of the 2,000-year-old Coliseum that Julius Caesar or just some random Flavius from the Roman Empire also touched.

FLORENCE
Florence is like Rome except smaller. I mean Florence even has a gigantic cathedral in the middle of it [The Duomo] that is like Vatican City is to Rome. By the way, I accidentally tried to break into Vatican City. More on that later. Florence had about a million American college-aged chicks in it for some reason. I guess there is some sort of chick-magnet embedded in the heart of Florence because even the Wifey wanted to go there more than anywhere in Europe--even sight unseen.

LFA: The long lines in the 500-degree saunas I mean Irish pubs
MFA: The statue of David

AMSTERDAM (aka "The Damage")
Ah, what can I say about The Damage. I f-ing love this city (this is my third visit). Imagine Chicago but smaller, with more canals, nicer & more laid-back people (I know, that is hard to imagine), legal drugs and prostitution, and cooler architecture since it is older. Plus probably more people speak English in The Damage than Chicago. And there is even a Chicago Improv Troupe that does shows in English and makes fun of all countries but especially America.

LFA: Not being able to find the llamas in Vondelpark
MFA: Basically everything

PARIS
Gay Parii. Paris is like New York except without skyscrapers and there are carvings of angels on the hospitals. Plus there is a river running through it. But other than that they are the exact same. Trust me on this.

LFA: The fact that none of the Frenchies were rude to me, so now I cannot make fun of them
MFA: The kick-A subway system