6:19 AM >> Odd Jobs and a Tiny Pouch of Coins

I want the following for the next part of my future:
I want to move to a new city.
Somewhere large and with large building and many streets.
I want to live in Ireland.
I want little possessions.
I want to drink coffee every morning early in a little familar place (not home).
I want odd jobs.
I want just enough money for my morning coffee and a beer at night.
I want to be an expat.
I don't want a car.
I want to carry a satchel that contains the following items: notepad, some pens, smokes, a hat that i wear on occasion, a time piece.
I want to be connected to the Internet.
I want to be stared at by people sitting nearby -- they'll wonder at just who the hell I am.
I want to be part of some performing group.
I want hard labour.
I want to be freed of all my magazines.
I want to read old books, mostly by expat. I'll read fiction and non-fiction alike.
I want a great pair of boots. They'll be my only shoes.
I want a large collection of records at my disposal.
I'll drink tea too, when appropriate.
I like the rain.

9:14 PM >> Remote Control

This this this. Here again. Again. Watching and writing the words and actions of others. Taking them in. Pausing them. Observing their mid-sentenced motionless expressions. Then starting them back up. Revving them up. Rewinding them when I can't make out the jumble. Fast forwarding when I am bored. Taking particular note when I am touched by something. Getting excited about their ticks. The little things that people do when they are taking that you miss when you don't have a remote control --

REWIND <<
FASTFORWARD >>
PAUSE ||
PLAY >
STOP [].

What great power is that. And two others that I forgot to
mention --

The power to EJECT.
And just plain POWER. On or off.

8:03 PM >> New Bars Successfully Baked

Tonight I made >>

Chocolate Butterscotch Oatmeal Currant Bars.

They turned out great. Tonight for dessert I will have one with butterscotch syrup drizzled over the top and I will heat it up in the micro. Next time I might not use the egg.

When I finish this dessert, I am going to make Butterscotch Pudding Pie. Prolly with currants as well. Melted currants. H-yeah. I already bought the frozen pie crusts that the stupid bagger bagged along with my peanut butter. What a jerk. It could have totally dented my pie crusts, putting the whole operation into jeopardy. I think I salvaged them from dents before they had thawed too much.

6:52 PM >> Two Rustlers

The serious one sips. Then with eyes still closed and taking in a numbing guzzle of beer, he slams his mug down on the table. It faces off with the laughing one's mug.

The piano player starts in on a new polka. "Beer Barrell" or something.

The serious one peers through two slits in his head. His eyes are red. A mixture of no sleep, anger, loss, and revenge. He squares off across the table with the laughing one. Two sets of eyes staring one another down. Their saddle bags hang off the corner of the table. Their holsters huddle in the middle of the table. They aren't smoking yet, but the kindling's there waiting for a spark.

"I said gold," says the laughing one again. "Gold."

"I want none of it. You be out of here by the morning. If you are not, I'll see you out of town myself."

"You drag me out of town and the gold belonging to no one leaves with me. It's half yours if you help. I need your guns."

The serious one shoots both hands to the mound in the center of the table. He comes up, arms crossed with his and the other's gun barrells strangling the laughing one's throat. The chuckle is gone.

"I swear to f'ing hell -- you be gone tonight."

The now trembling one chokes on the pistols at his throat.

The serious one finishes, "I'm done with that. Till I'm taken to hell at the end of my days, I'll be living here waiting it out. Got that?"

Blood drips from where the iron sights were dug in. He coughs.

"I got it. But wouldn't your wait here on earth, so close to hell, be better spent in comfort with a bag full of gold?"

The serious one stares him down from the slits in his head. He drops the guns to the table. Raises his mug. Drains it. Slams it to the table. And reaches to the trembling one's throat. His open claw pauses at the trembling one's dripping neck. He holds the empty claw there for a couple of seconds. Then rips the trembling one's bandana from his neck and holds it in front of his face.

"Wipe that blood. Finish that swill. Meet me outside when you are done."

The serious one sweeps up his bag, holster, and gun and floats into the night outside the saloon.

8:45 AM >>

You ever get that feeling whilst typing at the computer that your whole body is slanted 25 degrees to the left? (like one of those old V8 commercials) That's what I am going through right now. It is rather unsettling. I know the desk is flat, yet I feel I am about to slide down it and onto the floor. Maybe my soul is corrupted.

9:58 PM >>

The longest day of the year and it freakin' rains. What a crock.

11:23 PM >> MIA

It is very interesting, this marriage thing. On the one hand, you have found your soulmate. You will never be alone. You get to wear a special, magical ring. Work it right and you get to raise children.

But on the other hand, you will never break up again. You won't be dumped, get crushed, or have your heart ripped out, shat upon, and stuffed back down your fucking throat as you wash it down by choking on your own tears. You will never feel the pain of immeasurable heartbreak, even if, really, it was only two months. You won't, as The Streets say, stare straight down at the ground, look a little to the left, then stare straight down again. You won't feel your insides crumble to nothing or your guts boil into an interminable rage over that stupid-ass thing you did to cause all this. You won't lie awake at night, an endless stream of what-ifs ribboning out in front of you as you wonder how you could possibly have fucked it all up. You won't get slapped in the face with the sobering realization that it wasn't any one specific thing you did--none of those things were significant enough to cause this, but the series of insignificant nothings that you did (or did not, as the case may be) do built upon one another and slowly, almost imperceptibly, forced her into the corner of leaving you and your face and your love behind. You won't fill page after page of your journal with all those questions you wish to fucking god you had asked when she did this to you. You won't write those fake, mean, incisive, witty, pointless letters that you know damn will you will never have the courage to mail. You won't work up the courage to call her up and try to worm your way back into it. You'll never stand, staring at the phone for the better part of the hour, trying to grow the balls necessary to pick up the phone and call "just to see what she's up to." You won't worry she's moved on. You won't sweat at work, worrying that this time, it really, truly, seriously, for real, no shit, ain't fucking around, actually, for once and for all, really, really, REALLY is over. Done. Finito. El fuckarola.

You won't seek closure. You won't move on. You won't drown your sorrows. You won't piss it all away in vain trying to recapture what once was. You won't fall back into something completely fucked up for the both of you just because it's easy and comfortable and feels good. You won't go to that first party, thinking for some reason you'll find the "next one" at your very first social outing since you were floored and skinned and left for dead (emotionally, of course). You won't be set up by friends on crappy dates or shot down in bars by crappy skanks.

And I almost miss all this. Isn't that just fucked. All these shitty-ass, depressing ordeals and emotions are gone, and I feel like I'm missing something. Sounds like I'm the one with the problem here. Maybe it stems from middle child syndrome--the fact that I'm afraid of having anything taken away from me. But I needn't worry about losing these experiences. For one, good riddance. For two, whatever hole is left in my soul by the atrophy of these experiences will no doubt be replaced by all of the future, never-before-experienced experiences I will have because I am married.

Things like being on a team. Wearing a magic ring. Seeing that baby pop his grody little head outta the womb. (Note: The first pictures I send out to everyone of my baby will be labeled "Straight Outta Da Womb!") Creating a home together. All of the other kid things. And all that jazz. Yada yada yada. I've rambled too far; I've run outta steam. Time for some more coal (read: beer).

11:44 AM >> Tom Juice

I love Tomato Juice. REPEAT. Love Tomato Juice. The schtuff is so good. I used to hate it. My parents and grandparents would always have it along with their breakfasts in tiny tiny little glasses. Grandpa even bottled his own tom juice. It disgusted me. I love it now though. This is a turning point in my life I suppose. A sign of maturity, I think. Next it is black socks with shorts.

Juice Project 2004 Final Day >>

6/16/04
9:44am: Cherry Chocolate Banana Van Yo Smoothie
12:33pm: CGCCM Shake
12:36pm: Glass of Tom Juice

<< Project Terminated >>

Solid food for dinner tonight.

10:31 PM >> A Sore Left Leg

Ok, Juice Project is still on. I now have an unexplained sore left leg. Juice? Maybe. Swimming. Who knows? But it is sore. I had a headache the other night that was cured by some tomato juice, but tonight I had to turn to something stronger - an Irish Car Bomb (and some beers).

Here's where I left off, I think (6/14/04 continued)>>
4.22pm: glass osb juice
7.39pm: 1 glass of tom juice, coffee
9352pm: bsb van yo smoothie w/cinn

6/15/04
6.02am: a double bsb van yo smoothie enriched with oatmeal, coffee
12.28pm: "peach sunset" from some smoothie place
7.00pm: carrot ginger, celery, cucumber, mushroom shake w/garlic and cinn, coffee
9.54pm: glass of osb juice
unknown.pm: irish car bomb, beers

the last meal of the project is lunch tomorrow. for dinner I am going out for thai (scary). i can't wait for thai though. i love thai. one day i got the shit so hot with the sauces they bring to the table that my eyeballs were sweating. i hope my insides can handle it tomorrow. i may start out with a little sushi. i love sushi. especially the bbq flavored sushi. whoa - deep fried sushi balls. how bout that? that would be good. or sushi with sprinkles. or a sushi birthday cake. now that would be a treat.

12:16 PM >> Bravocado!

Alright the fast is juicing along. Doing well. Last night I got a headache around 6pm, but it got better after dinner. I was also pretty tired yesterday. Here's the update of what I have been juicing on.

6/13/04
1:15pm: tiny glass of OJ
5:11pm: tiny glass of OJ
6:00pm: cucumber, celery, avocado shake including garlic, fresh basil, fresh oregano, and freshly squeezed lime, and also a small glass of tomato juice on the side
10:23pm: bsb yo smoothie

6/14/04
8:07am bsb van yo smoothie w/cinn (couldn't taste the cinn, next time i will put more in), and a tiny glass of tom juice (NOTE: the tiny glass is smaller than the small glass)
12:56pm cca shake

11:18 AM >>

If I started a religion, it would be the Church of Practicality.
But then that would be a contradiction in terms.

9:37 AM >> Sledge Hammer

And the Juice Project 2004 continues >>
6/12/04 continued
12:50: carrot, celery, tomato juice with a splash of Tabasco and including the following: cinnamon, pepper, Caribbean jerk seasoning, and a squirt of lemon
Evening: watched people drink a lot of beer and eat fries, chick fingers, crackers and cheese, and other snacks items

6/13/04
2:50am: 1 glass CCT Juice
10:23am: BSB Yo Smoothie

Energy level is great. Not feeling hungry throughout the day. No headaches. Bad gas. Crazy dreamage.

11:13 AM >> Praise Be

Thankee! My efforts weren't wasted. "Coincidental Declogging" was posted. Great.

And the Juice Project 2004 continues >>
8:00am: 1 glass OJ (not from concentrate)
9:15am: BSB Vanilla Yo Smoothie
Ongoing through out the morning: coffee

And a cool little phrase I concocted:
He is butler to his own bane.

The past tense of "butle" is "butled'.
The present participle (I think) of "butle" is "butling'.

12:02 AM >> Tonight, Tonight

Tonight I saw the coolest thing ever.
I was on my deck. Being as how it was tonight, it was nighttime. Ergo, it was dark.
The fireflies have been out a little for a couple weeks now, but I never really saw more than two or three at a time in the yard. Tonight, however, whilst sitting on the aforementioned deck, I looked up into what I think is a pecan tree. (At any rate, it is a gi-normous, hardwood, broadleaf tree with an a-ton of foliage.) Scattered all throughout the leaves were an a-ton of fireflies, all twinkling in the dark. It was so sweet, like Christmas lights in the tree, except it was nature, so it was evem cooler. The fireflies would even keep their positions and blink in unison, thus adding to the Christmas light effect.
Sometimes they would totally spaz out and there would be like a million fireflies all blinking at once. Other times it was more like five of 'em.
"They look like fairies," my wife said. I love her.

11:23 PM >> F

I just wrote this whole great thing titled "Coincidental Declogging" about how I decided to start a 5-day juice fast project, and shaved my head and beard, and bought Liquid Plumbler for my drains and the whole thing was erased. I am pissed. Jerks.

11:02 PM >> Coincidental Declogging

All by coincidence I have recently embarked or made the following modifications in my life. First off, I streamlined my head and face by shaving my head and removing my beard. Then, I began a 5 day water/fresh fruit and vegetable fast like thing. Really for me it just a fun food project. I do these every so often. Not to long ago I ate oatmeal for a week. I called the Oatmeal Week 2004. At some point last year, I drank only juice for nourishment for a 24 hour period. The current juice thing is a larger undertaking. I am allowed a reasonable amount of coffee, as a side note. OK, the third in the line of coincidences that all seemed to have this common denominator of a sort of cleansing restart-ish quality -- Liquid Plumber. Not to drink of course, but it was time to declog the drains in my bathroom.

For the Juice Project 2004, I celebrated the beginning of the journey by going out for a last supper (lunch really) of Mexican. I had a lunch fajita plate, some rice, and some beans. Then I went for a medium Americano at Caribou. Not very juicey, huh. At 5:15pm I had 12oz of 100% pure carrot juice. It was pretty good. The can had a free offer for some carrot recipes, which I will send in for tomorrow. At 12midnight I made a blueberry, strawberry, banana vanilla yogurt smoothie.

I went to Wal-Mart (the Super version) to do some shopping for the juice project. Not including the Liquid Plumber, I spent about $20 plus the $1.50 carrot juice early. I think the supplies I bought will be enough for the 5 day project. I got some yogurt (for smoothies only), OJ and another Juice (100% juice only), tomato juice, celery, ginger, carrots, an avacado, stawberries, some blueberries, and a bundle of five bananas.

2:51 PM >> Interesting

When it comes to Pizzeria Pretzel Combos vs. Pepperoni Pizza Combos, the former have 8g of fat, while the latter have 11g. They must actually put real pepperoni in the pepperoni flavor. (Or it's from the fact that the first are pretzel dough, while the second are pizza dough. I just learned this from the internet.)

I put my Combos in the refrigerator over an hour ago. Now we will see how it worked out.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...
Definitely much better at room temperature.

5:01 PM >> Berry berry good!

The scientists must have made some sort of breakthrough in berry technology. Specifically in strawberries, raspberries, and blueberries. Because now not only can you get [chewy] granola bars with s-berries, r-berries, and b-berries in them, Cheerios now makes a cereal with those three suckers already in it.
Maybe it is the combination of the three that is the key to their power.

10:49 AM >>

"When it comes to fugu, we can't afford any mistakes."

What a great quote.
[Here is the article.]

10:17 PM >> Whoa

It hit me at the wedding reception: my wife will be my girlfriend FOREVER.
It's pretty cool if you think about it.

10:53 PM >> Duh duh du-dunnn

They played Nirvana - Smells Like Teen Spirit at the wedding. Man, I used to love that song. It was crazy hearing it, though--as soon as it started playing, I was pumped to hear the music, but I felt real weird: Oh man, am I being cool? Is that girl looking at me?Is that a pimple on my cheek? Are these pants OK?

Hoy crap, I was 15 all over again.

Later, I ordered a pizza to my hotel room. That is so sweet.

2:17 PM >> Delicious!

These are two of the coolest food-related articles I have read in a long time:

Smart Pringles (Gotta love how they predict this will "delight consumers"!)
Free Seafood (Can you deep-fry these bad boys?)

[Oh, the joy of blogging again! It has been FAR too long!!!]