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 >> Captain, Corporal, Ensign >>

7.30.2004
12:46 PM >> Tacohead


(image couresty of Captain)


 
12:14 PM >> Operation: Doughnut

I had it.  I went by the QT where I originally saw KLP the Doughnut to get some gas and picked up the doughnut while I was there.  Overall, I was very disappointed.  Mainly because of the filling.  I expected a Key Lime-ish filling, custardy, creamy, more like what you'd find in a cream filled doughnut.  Inside was a jelly filling.  A limey tasting jelly.  Not a creamy treat.  It was not what I wanted or thought I'd be biting into.  The outer frosting and cake crumbles were fine.

My guess is that someone down in the Jelly Filling department stumbled on a lime tasting jelly and went to his buddy at break time and said what can I do with a lime tasting jelly.  The two probably sipped some coffee and looked at some magazines and then one of them, like an idiot, prolly said, "Wha-Laa!  Key Lime Pie the Doughnut!"  That's backwards how an invention like this hsould come about.  You should start with the idea.  Then throw the bone to the people, the consumers.  Find out what they would expect from KLP the Doughnut.  What color would it be?  What would be on top?  Would it work in smoothie form?  What would it smell like?  And most damned importantly what would the texture of the filling be?  Surely, no one in their right mind would have offered up, "Oh, are you kidding me - Jelly!"  NO, it's got to be creamy, smooth like, not a freakin' jelly.


 
12:12 PM >> It's not plagarism if you use quotation marks

I lifted this from Captain Scurvy, another random blog I found:

"When your posts are sparse people expect everything you say to be profound. If you post everyday it's easier to throw some crap in there."

No S. Captain Scurvy is here.


 
7.29.2004
10:03 PM >> Go Kerry, it's your birthday

"America can do better, and help is on the way."
Well, I fucking hope so.


 
7.28.2004
12:06 PM >> Operation: Still No Doughnut

I have gotten up to the Quick Trip Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday and still no Key Lime Pie  the Doughnut.  This particular QT does not seem to feature KLP the D-nut.  I thought I almost saw it today walking in, but it turned out to be just some typical cake glazed d-nut.  What the F!  It seems I am going to have to make a trek to far lands to actually try KLP the D.  Maybe tomorrow.  Maybe tomorrow I'll drive to a different QT to experience this hard to experience thingy.  Geez!


 
7.26.2004
1:08 AM >> Operation: Doughnut

I walked to QT this morning for my Krispy Kreme Key Lime Pie The Doughnut and it was out of stock.  It wasn't there.  Then I walked to the Shell station and nothing.  Then I walked to Publix.  Still none.  So I bought some wired cheap-o espresso coffee grinds.  Now I will vow this >>  I plan to walk to QT every morning to see if they have the Key Lime Pie doughnut.  I will not stop walking there until I get my doughnut.  Every morning, first thing when I wake up to see if they have the doughnut.  It begins tomorrow, which is really today.  Wow, that's deep, huh?


 
7.24.2004
10:10 PM >> Key Lime Pie the Doughnut the Sighting

Quick Trip has a Key Lime Pie Krispy Kreme Doughnut for sale that I've got to try.  I can't wait.  Maybe for breakfast one of these days I'll walk up there and have one.  In fact tomorrow might be a good day, because I am out of coffee.  I could walk up there grab a doughnut and a cup of coffee from QT and then head over to Publix for a pound of cheap coffee (whole bean).  There's a great scene in Moscow on the Hudson with Robin Williams as a Russian defect in America where he is standing in the coffee aisle in a grocery store and he breaks down reading all the choices of coffee that there are to choose from.  I guess in Russia you get what you get.  Man!  I usually go for the cheap stuff.  But not in toilet paper.  I once bought these cheap-o toilet paper (the cheapest, in fact) and was completely disappointed.  The brand name was FMV - For Maximum Value.  My Ass!  My ass can testify to that.  It was horrible.  It is like wiping your but with air almost.   Thank God my brother's stupid cat tore most of it to shreds, cause I hate the stuff.  Oh, and speaking of Krispy Kreme, they now are advertising a new frozen drink that is based on a doughnut.  How cool is that.  I will have to get that for lunch one of these days.


 
7.22.2004
10:09 PM >> Apple Experiments

On Tuesday I made another apple pie.  This time I did things a little differently.  In the mix for the dough I substituted a little bit of pancake mix for some of the flour.  This idea worked out.  It cooked up just fine.  The pie crust is a bit heavier because of the pancake sub.  Very interesting.  It's a little drier and fluffier than your typical pie crust, which I believe would make it better for eating with ice cream (I have not tried this combination yet). 

For some reason, people started mixing ice cream with pies.  That is so cool.  I wonder when that started and who is responsible?  And do they get royalties? 

So, here's the cool part.  After slicing up the apples I had a whole bowl full of the skins.  When I slice the skins off, I do it in a hurry so most of them have a good deal of the juicy apple part still attached.  Looking at that bowl of unused good stuff, the idea came to me.  I got out a medium-sized saucepan and added some apple cider vinegar and a little bit of water.   Next I dumped in the apples and let them start to cook. 

That's when I went to Google to find out how to make jelly.  I also looked up apple cider, while on Google.  But the jelly seemed easier and I thought I'd get better use out of it.  I went back to the kitchen.  I added some currants to the cooking apple mixture and let it cook some more.  When everything was all nice and mushy, I strained the juices, added sugar (both brown and regular), scooped out most of the currants and mashed them up, and let the whole thing come to a boil while I stirred it all around.  I put the jelly into a bowl thing.  I usually put leftovers in this bowl, but it worked nicely for the jelly.

The jelly tastes great.  I have already put it on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, on a piece of toast, and in tea.  I can't wait to make more jelly.  It is so much fun.  It makes you feel all colonial.  Next thing you know I'll be skinning buffalo and leaving nothing to waste, just like in the olden days.


 
10:08 PM >> not a test

this is not a test.


 
7.19.2004
10:40 PM >> FUCK YEAH

It's not the ultimate; it's not the maximum--it's new Arm & Hammer ULTRA MAX Deodorant!  [link coming]
I can't wait until they take this to the Xtreme! level.


 
3:01 PM >> Opus [not Dei]

You know it's a damn good album when you have it running through your headphones for a while, then all of a sudden you realize you have not been hearing the music for about 20 minutes...  but you know it's been affecting you.
 
On that note, check out The Opus - Breathing Lessons.  Be careful, though, because it's scary.  Definitely will make for some fine chill-out background music come Fall.


 
7.15.2004
10:11 AM >>

My right eye is f'ed up today--feels like there is a piece of something in the inner corner every time I close my eye, like a piece of sleep or something... I am tired, maybe that is the cause, so I'm trying to treat this with coffee. (drinking)


 
7.14.2004
10:46 PM >> Fruits of Labor

I realized tonight that it's so much easier for me to stay on my doctor-mandated diet when I am out of town for work if I am out of town with other co-workers and we go to dinner together. Eating alone night after night and knowing that the next night will be alone as well makes me too depressed to eat another fucking chicken breast. I need some cheese, man!

Though I am able to eat well if I am going to a movie by myself afterwards.


 
9:44 AM >> Climbing Mt. Justice

Last night, since I am about to start law school, I was thinking of stupid mottos and names for a company I have later in life, if I have my own law firm. My wife told me that I don't have to be a lawyer just because I go to law school. That is very true, but I don't have a clue what I would do if I don't. Anyway, "Climbing the Mountains of Justice" was a stupid motto I thought of. I don't know why. I might have seen some Discovery Channel show earlier.

But it leads me to another type of climbing. Over the past year, I feel like I have been climbing some pretty steep cliffs. First girlfriend turns into first engagement turns into first wedding turns into first marriage turns into first home purchase (all leading up to law school). All in one year. I am looking forward to a plateau. But I don't see one anywhere soon. Retirement, maybe.


 
7.13.2004
10:44 PM >> a relief

tonight the Major League Baseball All-Star game is on. so i don't have to think or ponder or stress or blog.


 
7.12.2004
9:48 PM >> Alone in Tennessee, Week 2

Sometimes I think I am an absolutely fantastic person, very happy with who I am, where I'm going and where I've been in my life. Other times I think I'm an absolutely vile, wretched, wicked creature, barely fit to walk upon the earth: These are the things you think about when you're the only person in a swimming pool at 8 PM.

Then some dude from Minnesota shows up, and you wish he would go away so you don't have to make small talk. That's how it works for me, anyway.


 
7.11.2004
11:53 AM >> What is it about Whites?

I just don't get it. My whites always dry quicker than loads of colored laundry. Is there some technology that I don't know about? Is it a setting? WTF? My colored laundry usually has to go through a full cycle and a half of drying, while my whites are done in one cycle or sometimes even less. Does anyone have an answer?


 
1:59 AM >> Lent Trap

Let me tell you, the lent trap in my dryer is a big time money maker. Big time. Today I was doing laundry. Halfway through the drying cycle of the fist load, I opened the dryer to clear the lent trap and a dollar bill fell out onto the floor. A clean crisp, moutain fresh dollar bill. I was very happy, because I was going to a dollar movie (99 cents, actually) in the afternoon and had no money in my pocket. Hell, now I didn't need to go to an ATM or anything. It was mana from heaven.

Well, at the end of the drying cycle, I opened the door and another dollar fell out. I could now see a double feature, if I really wanted. I didn't. But I think I have stumbled on to something. My dryer seems to be a money making machine. This is better than a tree that flowers dollar bills. All you have to do is insert dirty clothes, add some fabric softener and deterget, then dry, and you are blessed with dollar bills.

Now that is sweet. Sweet.


 
1:47 AM >> Why Chefs Wear Hats

Very simply to keep hairs out of their creations. From now on whenever making food, I am going to wear a hat. I was terribly embarrased tonight when Corporal tried some of my homemade apple pie and he pointed out a hair. That is so disqusting. That's the kind of thing you find in that nasty Huddle House off the highway, not in an Ensign culinary creation. FFFFFFF!!!! So embarrasing. Sorry, Corp.


 
7.10.2004
9:13 AM >> Babies Don't Use Sharp Knives

Check out this hilarious detail I came across today in researching an apple pie recipe. It is just ridiculous.

Put the circle in a 9" pie plate, trimming any extra dough from the edges with a sharp knife (parents only). Return it to the refrigerator until you are ready to make the pie.

What are parents now like the safest people on earth? Do adults not slip up every once in a while? Shit nobody is perfect. We all fail every once in a while. We all slip up. We all drive to the gas station in the middle of the night after one to many shots to satisfy some urge. Whether it be a taquito that we didn't need to eat or a pack of smokes after we told ourselves we were quitting and in fact made it one whole day, feeling pretty good about ourselves, our lungs already starting to recover. We all slip up. We all do.

Well, I am starting again today. In fact the carton I wasted my money on last night is in the fridge wrapped in a brown bag and taped-the-shit-up with a big black magic marker label that reads - DO NOT SMOKE THESE. YOU QUIT. DO NOT CUT INTO THE BAG. RESIST. YOU DON'T WANT ONE. SMOKING IS DISGUSTING. YOU WANT TO LIVE A LONG AND HEALTHY LIFE. RESIST. PUT THOSE SCISSORS DOWN. DO NOT CUT INTO THIS BAG. PUT THE LIGHTER BACK IN THE UTILITY DRAWER, GO SIT DOWN, DO A PUSH UP OR SOMETHING. DO NOT SMOKE THESE.

Well, today is a new day. I begin again. Oh, yeah, the warning. Well, parents can cut themselves too. Kids, if you are making an apple pie, don't go getting your parents for the sharp knife step. Do it yourself. That's right you can do this trick at home. Whatever to that stupid warning. A kid's got to learn to use a knife someday, or the kid'll never be grown up. The kid'll be afraid of sharp things for the rest of his life. And what kind of life is that? We need sharp things. We need to be able and fearless of wielding sharp things. Raise your sharp knives, everyone! Trim the extra dough with me while our parents sleep! Except you babies, you go wake your folks and get their help. That's the last thing we need is an army of angry babies flapping sharp knives in the air like rattles.


 
7.08.2004
10:48 PM >> Eh?

Canada just keeps seeming better and better.
First, they have nice, progressive social idea (decriminalized weed, free healthcare for everyone, etc.)
Second, they do not feel they need to try to take over the world, so they are not hated by the rest of the world.
And then tonight I find out that Sour Patch Kids are made in Canada.
On top of all that, Canadian cities are so clean.
So what is stopping me? Hope, I guess. Hope for a one-term king--er, I mean president.


 
7.07.2004
10:22 PM >> Reflecting Pool

Being as how I am working out of town this week, after getting into an argument with the wifey what I really needed was a drink and a smoke. Fortunately, there is a convenience store about a 30 second walk from the hotel, so I strolled over to get a 40 and a pack of C's. On the way back, taking those calming drags of the tobacco, I noticed the hotel had an indoor pool. Man, there's not much more relaxing than sitting poolside on a warm summer night, sucking down a brewski and inhaling smoke, feeling the nice summer breezes play around in the spaces around your body. After finishing my smoke I had the idea to take off my shoes and sit with my legs in the water. As luck would have it, I dangled my feet right in front of one of those air jets designed to keep the water circulating, so I got to enjoy a nice underwater foot massage. When your feet feel good, your body feels good. I learned this as a child from one of my Mom's good friends, and boy, was she right about that. I decided then and there that if I have to come back to this place I will definitely bring my bathing suit. A late evening dip in the pool each night will be tres relaxing.

This decision played into a realization I had during dinner tonight. Let me back up a little bit, though, and explain that this was a sweet-A dinner: near-gourmet sushi accompanied by flowing bottles of [unfiltered] sake. Easily the best sushi I ever had, my first experience with sake, and all for free. Sitting there eating the Debra Roll, I had a revelation: so long as I am going to have to travel for work--and as long as I am a consultant, I will travel; as long as I live in Atlanta (2 more years!), I will be a consultant--I may as well have a positive attitude about it.

Yes, it sucks to not to get to play indoor soccer. And it sucks even more being away from my wife all week, and it also sucks not seeing my friends except sporadically on the weekends. But when I travel, I get sweet, free dinners. I get more time to read and write and create. I talk to more friends than if I were at home because I am lonely at night. Shit, I'm probably going to Graceland this weekend. But so long as I entirely dwell on the negative and how miserable I am, I'll only continue the negative feedback loop of miserableness. So now, I am going to enjoy the traveling and the learning and the experiences and the food, oh the sweet, delicious, fattenig food.


 
7.06.2004
10:54 PM >> Sooner or later I'll own Generals...

So here I am on the road again, this time touching down in Memphis, Tennessee. Not sure how I feel about that... No, I know exactly how I feel: traveling for work sucks almost to high heaven. But I ate at Bahama Breeze tonight on the patio, and the sweetly colored, slightly cloudy sky as the sun went down combined with the constant warm breezes swirling about--as well as the Coronas I was sucking down--made me almost forget where I was stuck and think I truly was at the beach enjoying a meal of fresh tiger prawns.

If I had to guess, I would say that all hotels get their irons out of a garbage dump somewhere. Doesn't matter where you are staying, the irons always either emit no heat or are so stained with crap on the bottom (Where does this black crap come from, anyway? What are you people ironing on your vacations???) that they are rendered virtually useless.

I wonder: when kids are outside of stores selling candy or magazine subscriptions or trips to Pluto in order to raise money for church or band or soccer (and in turn earn prizes for their sales ranging from a t-shirt to a trip to Pluto), and they address me as "Sir," do they really see me as a grown-up authority figure, or do they simply call me that because of my beard?

And I never thought I would say this, but I cannot wait to shave off my beard. But first I must wear it into the ocean and taste the salty brine caught within its net.


 
7.05.2004
6:36 PM >> The Pudding Congeals

Ok, here's something they don't tell you. Pudding congeals. Big time. I made a test batch of a Butterscotch Chocolate Nutty Pudding Wedding Pie. I made the pie crust, inserted the ingredients, and then put it in the fridge. Then the next day I tried a sliver. It was really good. Then the next day I unwrapped the thing and in the space of the eaten sliver was this nasty semi-gooey-but-mostly-runny pudding congealation. It really looked nast, but I sopped it up with a paper towel and made another full slice for myself. It was still good. It tasted fine, I thought. My brother saw the whole ordeal. He was in the kitchen making omelets for himself and his girlfriend. I told him not to mention it too anyone. I hope he hasn't. I mean really though it tasted fine. I even had another slice after dinner tonight and it was still good. I think the congeal-stuff is fine to eat. It just looks weird and people don't think it is very appetizing. But I think, even outside of the pudding pie form - you know, just regular pudding - that pudding is going to congeal a little. I am doing a test on this with some Butterscotch Chocolate Nutty Cherry Pudding that I made today. It is not in pie form. In it's normal form I think people would just mix the congeal back into the pudding with a spoon and pretend they didn't even see it. So I think it's fine. But I will let you know.

This morning I made a weird omelet. It was made with roasted garlic and pizza sauce. I sauteed the garlic in butter and then did the omelet thing. Then when it was cooked I just poured pizza sauce in and folded it over. No cheese or meat or anything. Oh, but I did put capers in it too. I really like capers. When you use them, you have to wash them off in the sink with cold water, because the juice they come in is really salty. I think that capers have a bittery mustardy taste when you bite into them. The omelet experiment was really good. I went right to sleep after I ate it. That's not a bad thing, or a good thing - that's just what I did.

I am tempted to experiment with an omelet again tomorrow. This one is going to be a pudding omelet. I am really contemplating doing it, but I don't know if I will. It would be really running. I wish I could add something with the pudding to make it less runny. Like some kind of biscuit or muffin-ish dumpling to soak up some of the runniness once it goes in the omelet.

I let you know.


 
 
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