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 >> Captain, Corporal, Ensign >>

4.26.2007
10:10 PM >> [sidetrack]

This is not a Euro-blog. But it is something that happened Thurzday night. I went to the Atlanta Film Festival to watch my friend's movie Blood Car. Yes the movie was awesome and totally hilarious and totally had lots of hot uncovered breasts. Go see it. But the point is that for some reason, girls kept recognizing me except that they were girls that I had never met before.

Incident A) The movie theater is located is what is basically a two-story strip mall. So I was standing on the walkway of the second story when I saw this blond chick walking by below. She looked at me and immediately started smiling and doing the old "point-wave" at me. She looked a little bit like my friend Alex (a girl), though I was 98% sure it wasn't Alex, so I waved back enthusiastically. When I got downstairs to get in line for the movie, this chick was a few people ahead of me, and sure enough, I had never seen her before in my life. We never made eye contact again.

Incident B) Once in the theater, I was standing in line for the concession stand because they sold beer. (Sweet!) I noticed this chick making her way across the lobby, looking at me with that "Hey! Wait, do I know you?" look on her face. She came up and said she thought she knew me, but I am almost positive we had never met. So we chatted a bit, but the outcome was the same as before.

The only theory I can come up with is that since I look so much like David Arquette, maybe these chicks though from afar that D-Arq was in town for the ATL Film Fest but then were sorely disappointed. Or totally pumped since know one can ever remember D-Arq's name when they're trying to tell me that I look like "that guy who's married to Courteney Cox."

Or maybe they've seen me on stage somewhere. But what're the odds of that.


 
4.25.2007
11:06 PM >> EURO2007 >> Sunday, April 1

Day 1, or "We're Heeeeeere... "
Paris, FR; Rome, IT

Viva Italia!Finally, around noon or so we arrived into Paris. Just one more flight until we make it to Rome! I swear we've been travelling for 492 hours straight already. Fortunately, once again we got to kill time between flights in the First Class lounge. This one even had a shower and I think a sauna, but we didn't use either. I drank a beer of course and then fell asleep, and I mean all-the-way-asleep, not just some uncomfortable-because-you're-sleeping-in-a-chair half-sleep. Good thing M was awake when we had to go catch the flight, because I never would have woken up. Yes this really helped me to have jet lag. Hurrah.

After getting our luggage in Rome, we got a taxi that was a Mercedes to drive us to our hotel. The dude that drove looked normal but was crazy. As in he drove really crazy, but really, no crazier than any other taxi. There was a slight scare when M looked at the speedometer as we were zooming down an ordinary, four-lane road in the city and saw it pointing at 120. Her eyes got as big as saucer plates until I reminded her that the speedometer was in kilometers per hour. But that still is pretty fast. 74.4 MPH. (1 km = .62 miles)

The picture above was the view out of our hotel once we finally got there. I don't know why, but for some reason all of the remote controls in Europe work completely different than in the U.S. Why is that, since we're all buying our electronics from Japan and Korea and Asia, anyway? I had to get the nice old lady at the front desk (the hotel only had seven rooms) to explain to me how to work the TV and satellite receiver in conjunction, and the next day she had to explain to me how to work the remote for the air conditioner (which I could've figured out had I known about the secret panel that she opened on it). Remembering all of her help just makes me feel that much worse that we ass-identally stole the bottle opener from the room. (Not yet, that happened on Day 2.)

So all we really did was unpack and then go to a late dinner. The food was good although we didn't know how to order. The Italian menus were always divided into Starters, Salads, First Course, and Second Course. First Course was always pasta, and Second Course was always meat. But we didn't know whether to order both courses or not, so we both just got a pasta, but that was nowhere near enough food, so then we split one of those sliced tomato + mozzarella cheese dishes, and then we still had to get chocolate cake for dessert. And then on the way home I still bought some Paprika Pringles, but that was more just to be on the safe side.


 
4.24.2007
10:03 PM >> EURO2007 >> Saturday, March 31

Day 0, or "This trip sucks!"
Atlanta, GA; New York, NY; Paris, FR

Departure time: around 5:30 PM.
Leaving the house time: 2:30 PM
Actual leaving the house time: 3:20 PM
But we made the flight anyway. There was a little struggle as when we were checking our bags we found one was overweight (Yes we overpacked. I am going to blame the Wifey since 1) she's a woman, and therefore is genetically programmed to overpack, and 2) I overpacked because I was afraid M would think I was so gross for wearing my shirts repeatedly when she was always wearing clean clothes. As it turned out, we never did laundry, so I wore almost every piece of clothing--including a few pairs of boxers but excluding socks--twice. But really, socks are the only thing that really need to be clean. Then M didn't wear half of her outfits once but wore several twice. So we will definitely pack light next time. Especially after the Train Incident. Watch for that on Day 4.), but we were allowed to move some heavy-A S from that bag to the other one to save some dough. Thanks, Delta!

Flying to the JFK airport was awesome since we were in First Class. Except the flight was too short to watch an entire movie. I watched some of Stranger than Fiction but will have to re-watch the entire thing someday. Why didn't I watch the rest of it on the way from JFK to Gay Paree? (Or is it Parii, or do I really care.) Because goddam motherfucking assfacing pieceofshit sonofabitch Air France decided to use a plane with 40 fewer seats than they were supposed to use to fly to Paris, so 40 people had to get bumped from the flight, and folks that used frequent flier miles to get their First Class tickets got bumped to Economy. We got $1200 in Air France vouchers, though, which we can't wait to use since Air France is obviously such a great operation. It seriously is no wonder the big airlines are going bankrupt. We'll sell the $1200 of vouchers for $1000 if you want. They are also good on KLM, so maybe we'll just go back to The Damage next summer.

We did get to use the First Class Lounge in between the flights, so that was nice. They actually had a French-style buffet set up at the JFK lounge. Plus free drinks and internet and flat-screen TVs to watch the NCAA playoffs.

We took no pictures this day. Sorry. But you are better off.


 
4.20.2007
7:15 PM >> EURO2007 [finally]

So in case you did not know, the Wifey and I just returned from a 14-day barnstorm of Europe (Rome, Florence, Amsterdam, Paris, in that order). Hopefully we left that continent indelibly changed. My hopeful plan upon embarking was to blog each night about the happenings during the day. However, I encountered the EuroBlog-Paradox >> Whenever I was awake, I wanted to be outside doing things in Europe, and whenever I was not awake, I was asleep. And then whenever I did get on the internet, I'm sorry but Fantasy Baseball preparations had to take precedence. So no blogging occurred. But to appease the masses and alleviate my guilt, I am now going to fake-blog each day as if I am living them in the present even though that is a lie. Also, I will start now with my first thoughts about each city. Which I should not be able to do in the fake-blog because I should not have gone anywhere but Rome. But since this whole blog is a House of Lies, who cares.

Here we go >>

ROME
Palm Trees, yes? Mm..Food?
Rome is like New York, except smaller, more compacted, older, dirtier, more crowded, and with more sports arenas. Seriously this city is so crowded that one day a pigeon flew into my face as I was crossing the street. Also, every bar in Rome is an Irish pub. I never found out why.

Least Favorite Aspect (LFA): The Italians in line behind me were always pushing into me.
Most Favorite Aspect (MFA): I got to touch the walls of the 2,000-year-old Coliseum that Julius Caesar or just some random Flavius from the Roman Empire also touched.

FLORENCE
Yes, a river. Bidet
Florence is like Rome except smaller. I mean Florence even has a gigantic cathedral in the middle of it [The Duomo] that is like Vatican City is to Rome. By the way, I accidentally tried to break into Vatican City. More on that later. Florence had about a million American college-aged chicks in it for some reason. I guess there is some sort of chick-magnet embedded in the heart of Florence because even the Wifey wanted to go there more than anywhere in Europe--even sight unseen.

LFA: The long lines in the 500-degree saunas I mean Irish pubs
MFA: The statue of David

AMSTERDAM (aka "The Damage")
Idyllic That's what I'm screaming!
Ah, what can I say about The Damage. I f-ing love this city (this is my third visit). Imagine Chicago but smaller, with more canals, nicer & more laid-back people (I know, that is hard to imagine), legal drugs and prostitution, and cooler architecture since it is older. Plus probably more people speak English in The Damage than Chicago. And there is even a Chicago Improv Troupe that does shows in English and makes fun of all countries but especially America.

LFA: Not being able to find the llamas in Vondelpark
MFA: Basically everything

PARIS
The Sun, also known as Day Moon You want a piece, kid?!?
Gay Parii. Paris is like New York except without skyscrapers and there are carvings of angels on the hospitals. Plus there is a river running through it. But other than that they are the exact same. Trust me on this.

LFA: The fact that none of the Frenchies were rude to me, so now I cannot make fun of them
MFA: The kick-A subway system


 
2:35 PM >> Paint splats A and B

Please help me identify the paint splat look-a-likes.

Plaint Spat A:

I see >> Pinocchio, Casper the Friendly Ghost

Splaint Pat B:

I see >> a bird with a long, pointy, bendy beak OR someone pouring food coloring into the head of a bird

CORP. what's this picture business you're experiencing? OH, schnazzz!


 
4.18.2007
11:50 PM >> EURO2007 coming soon...

So I have all these plans for some sweet-A blogs about me and the wifey's recent Euro-trip. But GD MF'ing Blogger has decided to make it so uploading pictures doesn't fucking work at all. And this has been for the past three motherfucking days. Fuckity fuckity fuck. Stay posted.


 
4.16.2007
10:20 PM >> The 9lb. Ham Project 2K7 - Update C.1 and some other newses

THE 9LB. HAM PROJECT 2K7 - UPDATE C.1
All the latest hammies...
M12 >> (4/9/2007) C-Nolen MRE. Meal-Ready-To-Eat Ration Pack of ham prepared for a friend. Don't know how many meals worth were in this C-ration, prolly more than $7.25's worth.

M13 >> (4/10/2007) Ham and parmesean cheese omelette with some bruschetta seasoning and guacamole on the side.

M14 >> (4/10/2007) Late Night Ham Snack II - ham slices, parmesean cheese, pepper relish.

M15 >> (4/15/2007) Ham, Pepperoni, and Egg Mini Sub. An egg sandwich with grilled ham and pepperoni, a fried egg, and creole mustard on a 1/4 portion of Subway Italian loaf.

M16 >> (4/15/2007) Ham and Pickle Sandy. Sliced ham, Wendy's re-pickled pickles [added: vinegar, dill, and thyme], mustard, and toasted Subway wheat bread.


M17 >> (4/16/2007) Ham, Pepperoni, and Pickle Sandy. Oven warmed sliced ham and pepperoni on toasted Subway wheat with pickles and apricot chipotle sauce. For dessert a slice of cherry pie.


THE UN-OFFICIAL WENDY'S RE-PICKLING PICKLE PROJECT 2K7



I acquired a package of pickles from Wendy's that I've already begun to tinker with. To small batch #1 {SB1} I added vinegar, dill, and thyme. And then small batch #2 {SB2} is apple cider vinegar, cinnamon, and sugar.

THE 5 PIE PROJECT 2K7
Inception day details >>
- Acquired: 5 pie crusts from Dinner and a Movie.
- Also acquired: approximately 2 cherry pie fillings for 9" pies, 1 bag of white chocolate discs.

Project charge >>
- To make 5 pies and document the results.

Pie #1 (4/15/2007) >>
Cherry pie with a thin thin layer of white chocolate at the base of the pie crust and a butter, egg wash sprinkled with sugar on top.

OTHER NEWS
- Tried BK's Hamlette (no Shakesperean tie-in) and it's not as good as the McGriddle.

MUGGIN'S MUFFIN NEWS
Do you like muffins? If you do here is a serious muffin freak that you should check out: http://wordpress.com/tag/muffins/feed/


 
4.12.2007
11:17 PM >> New Food Project Teaser

Coming very soon you and all your friends can enjoy the goings on and reports of the upcoming exciting food project >>



 
4.09.2007
8:16 PM >> The 9lb. Ham Project 2K7 - Update B.1

Ok, here's the last three ham meals I've created as a part of The 9lb. Ham Project 2K7. There's a long road ahead. This 9 pounder is going to go a long way I can tell.

M9 >> (4/7/2007) Ham and Egg Bagel Sandwich II. Toasted multigrain bagel smeared with jalepeno pepper jelly with ham and fried egg. [PICTURED]

M10 >> (4/7/2007) Late Night Ham Snack - ham (5 to 6 sandwich sized slices).

M11 >> (4/9/2007) Ham Tostada Pie leftovers (var.2) mixed with a squirt of BBQ sauce. Served with Jalepeno and Honey Cornbread and Roasted Cumin Pepper Carrots roasted with oil, minced garlic, cumin, crushed red pepper, ground jalapeno pepper, cyenne pepper, and coriander. [PICTURED]

Pictured below in a handy little quadrant map are M5 and M8 and M9 and M11.




 
4.06.2007
10:41 PM >> The 9lb. Ham Project 2K7 - Update A.1

I suppose that most of you don't know the "real" legend of John Henry and his hammer. Well, it goes a little like this. John was a railroad worker back in the day. He claimed that he could hammer rail line faster than all the new fangled machines that threatened his job security. He challenged the new machines to a duel essentially claiming that his big nine pound hammer and his brute strength were no match.

Now the truth of the story is that John was a tinkerer. Before putting his 9 pound hammer into competition he first was experimenting with a 9 pound ham to hammer nails and such into the railroad ties and all. In fact the ham he was using had a 35% better speed rating and was quite accurate compared to the hammer that he used in the legendary contest against the steam-powered hammer. But fearing that he would catch a lot of slack for pounding steel with a frozen 9 pound ham and also due to unsolved problems with the ham thawing out John decided to switch out the ham for a more traditional tool. So history now sings of John and his nine pound hammer rather than John and his nine pound glazed ham.

The Ham Proj is coming along fine. I got a breakfast out of the ham the other day which really was great for me. That's key when you can sneak your meat project into your breakfast, that's when you've acheived meat project success. Here are a couple of new items >>

M7 >> (4/4/2007) Crockpot Ham Tostada Pie leftovers with a small bowl of popcorn and a movie.

M8 >> (4/5/2007) Non-Crock Ham Quesadilla using Mexican Ham Tostada Pie leftover sauce and parmesean cheese, cooked in the Santa Fe Quesadilla Maker between two flour tortillas. Topped with quacamole and picante dollops. For dessert = a tiny chocolate thing.


IN OTHER BREAKFASTY HAM NEWS >>
I cannot wait to try Burger King's latest breakfast item - the Hamlette Sandwich. And it's on their $1 menu. You just cannot beat that. You can't. I challenge you to try.


 
4.04.2007
7:01 AM >> The 9lb. Ham Project 2K7



I've been inspire and enabled to work on a new meat project. This one is a Ham. I got it last week from work. I baked it and did the whole brown sugar glaze packet thing that it came with. And it was awesome.

Below are the details so far:
ROAST DAY OF THE 9LB HAM >> (3/29/2007)
(~wieght is an approximation)

M1 >> (3/29/2007) Ham and Roasted Veggies(potatoes, onions, green pepps, and carrots) seasoned with thyme, parsley, pepper, salt, oil, and butter, oops and rosemary. I nibbled and nibbled on bite after bit of the roasted ham fresh out of the oven, prolly a pound total (ha, kidding, come on).

M2 >> (3/30/2007) Pressed Ham Slider on a little roll with sliced onion and jalepeno pepper jelly. Served with Roasted Veggies.

M3 >> (4/1/2007) Pressed Ham and Pepperoni Slider with onion and quacamole. Served with Roasted Veggies II (seasoned with parsley, cumin, red and black pepper, ground jalepeno, and oil, and salt).

M4 >> (4/2/2007) Bagel Ham Sandwich. Ham and onion on a rye bagel with alfredo sauce, bruschetta seasoning, and pepper. Toast in the oven with Parmesean chees. Dessert = lemon bar.

M5 >> (4/3/2007) Crockpot Ham Tostada Pie <<>> A sauce of oil, onions, ham, garlic, cumin, chili powder, salt, pepper, a jar of picante sauce (almost, but not the whole jar), and some tomato paste. Layered on flour tortillas in the crockpot with parmesean cheese and using a special Rival Crockpot patented Foil Strip Retrevial System (* see upcoming video). An oatmeal raisin cookie from Quiznos for dessert.

M6 >> (4/4/2007) Ham and Egg Bagel Sandwich served with bowl of coconut crème/orange marmalade oatmeal and coffee (duh).


Check out the freezer deposit.


 
 
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