12:46 AM >> Worst. Fruit. Ever.


I can't even look at you.

     
Notice the gross-A boils that grew on the side of the Suckimoya. These appeared after the W.F.E. lived in my fridge (wrapped in a paper towel, per instructions) for three weeks. Never did it get as soft as an almost-ripe avocado, per instructions. I guess Cherimyface didn't read the rules on the internet like I did. Either way the entire experience of this space-age fruit was one of ultimate suckage. Imagine you are taking a rocket ship to Jupiter but then it turns out you are flying into the sun. And you forgot sunglasses. Or something like that. Finally I cut it in half to see what happened. Everything inside seemed OK except the gross-A seed or pit or piece of fruit-crap in the middle there. Still I took a tiny bite of the white flesh to see what it tasted like. I mean I had invested three months in this fruit, this was a longer relationship than most of my girlfriends (combined). When you were a kid did you ever have crabapple fights and then take a bight out of one of the crabapples? That is what this tasted like--bitter, sour, crabby. It was like an apple consistency except crisper and more stringy. Does that even make sense, fruit-wise? I only took a tiny nibble out of fear of poison. Plus for some reason I thought my wife would get mad at me if she found out I was eating this thing. However, she was nice enough when she cleaned out the fridge to place this on the counter (still wrapped in p-towel) rather than throw it in the trash with the rest of the rotten food.

Between this and the horned melon experience (HME) I am about to give up on these new fruits. I swear there are a bunch of fruit farmers in South America laughing at me.

Oh did I never tell you about the HME? Well stay tuned for the excitement.