1:16 AM >> Knowledge, Paste, and My New Bride

Knowledge of all sorts, I believe, is rooted in history. History is important. It is smart and fun to learn about things of the past. They come back you know. All those folks from way back then-ward return. Napoleon will one day be here -- in a different looking hat maybe, but he will return. Maybe upon his return he'll be wearing a ball cap or a turban, who knows. Perhaps a chef's hat. What if, just what if, Emeril was the return of Mr. Bonaparte. BAM! It is possible. Napoleon had remarkable teeth. An apple a day he used to say. Then that turned into apple pie. Ala mode, of course. And now, here we are in the 21st or 20th century, depending on who's counting, and apple pie is the protected intellectual property of The United States Of 'Merica. Makes ya feel proud, huh? I'll tell ya what though. I protest. Until Mickey D's brings back the truly fried, not baked, apple pie of yester yore, nothing's as American as sport fishing television. Can you believe it? A TV show devoted to catching bass? Yeah! Deep fry that Ronald. I know for a fact that the Captain uses or has used a toothpaste that tastes like strawberries. Now that is pretty damn American. I myself use Crest. Always have and always will. I think Norman Rockwell once painted a photo of a man brushing with a tube of Wintergreen Whitening Crest with sparkles. What do the sparkles do? You had to ask. They energize the children. If we can hook 'em on brushing in youth, they'll be brushers for life. And lifers never complain when they get back from the dentist. That is, if they floss regulary, which translates this day and age to 5 days a week, once daily. I floss. I brush. I eat apple pie and have been to a Nascar race. I saw a show about Puss In Boots on the History Channel before I gave up cable for Lent. But. Unfortunately. The catch is this. I still have a lousy bride, a lover and partner in life. Here name is loneliness. Not to turn this history lesson into a sap, pathetic, pity-fest, but Jimminy Crickets when's that wish I wished upon a star going to start working?