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 >> Captain, Corporal, Ensign >>

8.30.2004
8:16 PM >> Coming soon

I hate to say it, but I am getting more and more pumped about Desperate Housewives on ABC this Fall. Marcia Cross is totally gonna kick ass on this.
And on second thought, I don't hate to say it. I'm pumped.

I'm also super-pumped about Lost.
Since you asked.


 
8.26.2004
10:34 PM >> Do you remember the times...

Hey, remember back before the internet?
Yeah, that was 1994.


 
12:26 AM >> Chalk one up for Uncle Sam

Apparently communism is good for one thing--creating really good national athletic programs. (Of course, it still is no match for good ole capitalism, yee-haw!) >>

CURRENT OLYMPIC MEDAL COUNT:
United States: 76
Russia: 54
China: 52

Take that, ya pinko bastards! And don't think Bush won't point this out during the debates! Whatcha gonna do now, Kerry???????


 
8.25.2004
12:20 AM >> Big Willie

Wille Nelson kicks so much fucking ass it melts my goddam face.



 
8.24.2004
10:59 PM >> WTF

Seriously people, what the FUCK are you doing to the iron when you go to a hotel? They never seem very old, but they are always so f'ed up.

And I will continue the Chicago saga, I promise.


 
9:48 PM >> Phrase from Antiquity, TP, and Ole #2

And today's phrase from olden days past is >>
Sing with the frogs - "Brekekekex, ko-ax, ko-ax!"

As far as toilet paper is concerned, I think it sucks when there are color designs on toilet paper, because you never know when your ass is clean. It's difficult to differentiate the pretty-patterns from the not-pretty smears.

And I'll tell you this. I hate regular old pencils. I much prefer mechanical pencils. I reserve the use of pencils for only very special notes. Usually, I use pen. And how good does it feel to find the perfect pen. Oh, that beautiful glossy sweet ink.


 
8.22.2004
9:20 PM >> Caramel Crunch the Doughnut the Squirt

The official name of the d-nut is Crispy Carmel Crunch. I ate it for breakfast. The d-nut was from Krispy Kreme. There is a new one that opened up by my house. This was the best d-nut I have had in a long time. The only problem, which was completely my fault, was the first bite into the inner core. The bite resulted in a squirt of caramel that dripped all over my goatee. And it was hot, because I stuck the d-nut in the mircowave for 11 seconds before eating. The crunchieness was toffee. Holy cow. What a good good doughnut. I can't wait to eat it again. Also, KKreme also has two coffee drinks that I want to try. One is a Kreme espresso drink that has the flavor of a Krispy Kreme doughnut worked into it. The other is some sort of blended frozen coffee-ish KKreme flavored beverage. YES! Yes!

Here's a list of all of KKreme's tasty variety, except for Key Lime Pie the Doughnut, which sucked. I think next I will try NY Cheesecake the Doughnut and then the Raspberry filled one. I really like raspberry these days.

>>


 
8.21.2004
11:31 PM >> A Collection of Various Phrases

Phrases - they are words put together to yeild some meaning or feeling. (In the dictionary of my mind, at least. I don't know what old Webster's says.)

Three day old popcorn.
The hands free bathroom.
Leftover ziti, a carmel creme crunch, a small coffee, and Count Basie.

**NOTE: So, yeah, they maybe are not really phrases as much as they are just good combinations of words. Sorry.

Phrases (as Dictionary.com reports):

n.
A sequence of words intended to have meaning.
A characteristic way or mode of expression.
A brief, apt, and cogent expression.
A word or group of words read or spoken as a unit and separated by pauses or other junctures.
Grammar. Two or more words in sequence that form a syntactic unit that is less than a complete sentence.
Music. A short passage or segment, often consisting of four measures or forming part of a larger unit.
A series of dance movements forming a unit in a choreographic pattern.

** NOTE: So, maybe I was right.


 
8.13.2004
10:54 PM >> mmmmmmmmmm

tonight i ate bbq ribs and mashed potatoes
both with my fingers only


 
9:29 PM >> The Spoils of Giving Blood

I gave 1 pint of my blood today. Here is what I got out of the affair >>
  • 1 package of Nutterbutters (4 count)
  • 2 packages of Famous Amos chocolate chip cookies
  • 1 apple juice box
  • 2 waters
  • 1 coupon for a free Chick-Fil-A sandwich
  • 1 coupon for a free McDonald's dessert
  • 1 reusable lunch sack/cooler (item declined)


 
8.12.2004
11:58 PM >> the cigarette was laced i guess

there's something poetic when you take the last drag of the cigarette and then the last swig of your beer
but then as i walked inside i had no feeling in my ankles and almost fell down
i am in such a weird mood tonight and i am afraid to go to sleep still


 
10:59 PM >> Here we go again

Tonight was one of those nights (after I got off the airplane) where I just feel so scared except it's like half scared and half I just want to cry and half I want to kill myself and half I want to make something of myself, something famous, something known, something creative at least and that almost inspires me but I know by the time I get home it will be too late to write a story or work on a movie or even just chill out to a whole album with my eyes closed or watch a movie like Pi but hey, now I got this blog so I can fire it up and just let 'er rip and then go have a B&C period on the back porch which will be nice since it is so cool and Fall-feeling out, but here's hoping the Summer ain't over yet 'cuz that would be depressing since I've only gotten to the pool like twice.


 
8.11.2004
10:27 PM >> The latest in fashion. Period.

How sweet is this >>


 
10:25 PM >> CHICAGO: DAY 1 (or "fuck off, marta")

We arrived at the O'Hare airport at about 12:30. From there we took the subway AKA the El to the "Loop" area of town. Then we walked to the Swissotel. Half-checked in and left for lunch while they finished preparing the rooms. Ate at Miller's Pub (Me = grilled chicken sandwich [saving room for pizza later]; Mer = Cheeseburger). Returned to Swissotel and proceeded to get fucked on our room: originally we had room 2402 == sweet-A room way up with awesome view of Lake Michigan and the Chicago river. Wound up in 817 == crappy-ass handicapped room with low-ass view of construction and a lame-ass shower with no water pressure and a toilet seat that literally bit your ass.

Meredith changed clothes and we took yet another taxi (third of the day already!) to the Wicker Park area. This spot is kind of like Little 5 in that is has boutique shops and record stores and "hipsters" galore. (F-ing Lonely Planet guide book used the term "hipster" so many times I f-ing hate it now!) Mer made me shop with her == miserable (sorry, honey). I kept leaving the stores and walking halfway down the block and back so I could still be "walking around." Took the El back to the hotel.

GOD I FUCKING LOVE RIDING ON A MASS TRANSIT SYSTEM THAT ACTUALLY IS EFFICIENT AND USABLE

We showered (well, I did) and changed and straightened our hair and grabbed a cab to Giadoro's, site of the "best deep-dish pizza in the city." And let me tell you, it was damn good. I got my picture taken with the pizza. And then we tried to go catch a show at ImprovOlympic. This is the point in the trip where everything took a simultaneous turn for the amazingly better and the infinitely worse.

After walking 4 block, Mer informed me she could walk no further because her shoes were totally f-ing her feet up, which is true because they were cute little strappy Sex & the City shoes. Already peeved because we were running late and had gotten bad walking directions to the theater, I flipped out and got pissed off. We separated angrily, me to the theater and Meredith to parts unknown.

The Harolds I saw that night were great. Teams were Johnny Roast Beef and James Jackson. After the show I called Meredith. She was drunk enough to make up with me, though I was not, so we did not make out. I met her at the L&L bar with the new friends she had made: Susan, Jason, Phil, and Nathan. They were all architects from Oklahoma, but they were not scary or in a gang. Actually, they were quite friendly (oooh, foreshadowing). (Apparently they also had a friend Meredith, but she left before I got there, and a friend Brad, but he was out of town, though he is a fellow black belt.) I couldn't believe it, but they sold Absinthe at this bar! (Which reminds me, I forgot to try to buy a bottle to bring home, sorry Corporal.) We drank $2 summer lagers and some crazy shot called a "Jimmy Shake" (tastes like bubblegum stuck to licorice) as well as some Red-Headed Sluts. Susan, Jason, and us ATLiens closed the bar down at 2:30 AM and walked to Jason's apartment to drink more. Halfway there Meredith sat down in the middle of the sidewalk and applied about 50 band-aids to each of her feet. Her feet in ruins, at 4 AM I carried Mer piggyback on me back, matey, out to the street where we took a cab back to the hotel.

I passed the fuck out as Meredith ordered a tuna sandwich from room service. After calling to make sure room service was open, she had to call them back and get the dude to read her the menu over the phone because we were too drunk to find it in our room even though it was just sitting on a table.

Then there was a mini-crisis when they delivered the food and I was asleep and Meredith was too drunk to find her glasses which apparently she needed in order to sign her name on a piece of paper.

Then, of course, we overslept. Setting up CHICAGO: DAY TWO (or "my fucking head")


 
8.10.2004
10:35 PM >> Back in Black

I have returned from Chi-town. What I learned was I will definitely be moving there when the BIG MOVE happens. The Wifey and I shall return in order to check the Winter weather, but we both agreed it is 98% a go.

Coming tomorrow: detailed day-by-day rundowns of the vacay.


 
8.07.2004
8:09 PM >> Steel Reserve the Citation

For the following story I must first introduce you to my new friend. His name is Steel Reserve lager brewed in Fort Worth, Texas. Steel Reserve is a very cheap beer. That's why he is my friend. Steel Reserve is 6.0% alcohol by volume that's where my story begins I think. But let me first give you a little rundown of my buddy Steel's stats and such. (If you like to see Steel on the web, clicky HERE.)
  • You already know Steel hails from Fort Worth (that's Texas).
  • Steel is a High Gravity lager. I don't know what that has to do with anything, maybe that's a fancy way of saying 6.0% alcohol by volume.
  • Steel has extra barley and select hops for extra gravity. Oh, that explains everything. I don't think the average cheap beer drinker gives a toot what the gravity of the beer is that they are drinking. Unless it gets you drunk quicker. Then, it may be a good thing to put the kinda information on the cans and in the commercials.
  • Steel is slow brewed for a minimum of 28 days. Again, who really cares. 28 days, five minutes -- beer is beer, right? It is when you pay less than $6 for a 12.
  • Steel has an exceptionally smooth flavor. Debatable.
  • Steel has a special "two eleven" mark on all its cans. This symbol is based on the medieval symbol for steel. Wow, I am impressed.
So on we go. Me and my buddy Steel decide to take a walk. It's like 3 in the morning. I was trying to order a pizza online and was having no luck. So in my high gravity state I thought that a local pizza place up the street would still be open and serving. Dumbass me. Nevertheless, I was really hungry. Steel wasn't. He just came along for the walk. Just as I came around the corner, there in the parking lot was a police car. And there walking hand in hand with me was Steel. Cooley's Pizza was long since closed. I peered into the empty and dark storefront. Then on went the lights and the questioning started. The officer poured out the remainder of my buddy in the parking lot. Then he went back to his car while I stood in front of his car wobbling. He wrote me a citation for open container and gave me a lift home. I got out of the patrol car, waved goodbye, and went inside for a little comfort from my dumbass mistake from another buddy that was hanging out in the fridge.


 
7:38 PM >> On and on from another nod...

Got pork chops and diamond rings
And other things to tempt sainthood
They don't come 'round often, every fifty years or so
Then it's time to dust off the pit and pop-a-top

On the dried out side of night
In dreams baked in mind by the sun
And not stirred by ol' lullaby moon
Sweat, like truth, soils the sheets

To early for "g'nights"
And now day's too long gone to greet a waking ghost
So all's left to do is wander
Walk in shadows 'till the night falls

Cast whispers aside
Shut out the clanging echoes still lingering in your head
Find a padded cell for the screams
And lock away the key, lock away the key


 
8.06.2004
10:59 PM >> Blow that S away

T-minus 12 hours until I am in CHICAGO! How pumped am I? Super-pumped!
  • sausage
  • chicago-style hot dogs
  • beer
  • sweet-A improv
  • zoo (africa exhibit)
  • aquarium
  • wind
  • one-year anniversary
Reviews of all of these coming post-trip.


 
2:10 PM >> Woken from a nap by...

We've got plenty of pork chops and diamond rings
Two such things that tempt sainthood and make others sing


 
8.05.2004
10:56 AM >> couldn't hang with Tara

There is something about Carson Daly that just makes me hate him.
It's not his personality so much as his existence.


 
8.04.2004
10:36 PM >> Grace vs. ...

Grace under Pressure.
Ernest Hemingway

That's one way of looking at it. Here are some others:

Failure under Pressure.
Revertense to old habits under Pressure.
Oops under Pressure.
Loss under Pressure.
Loser under Pressure.


 
9:04 PM >> Back Back Back

So I'm back from the beach, tanned (sunburned), rested (more tired than when I left), and relaxed (true).

What I learned at the beach:
- 3 days is quite long enough for a "family vacation"
- parents feel it is necessary to point out to you that you are sunburned every time they see you, even if they just saw you 10 minutes ago, even if you are so fucking red that you set fire to your t-shirt
- Panama City/Daytona is still the best place to see hot chicks in bikinis (nothing but families everywhere else)
- a saltwater-dipped beard is a fine thing indeed
- if your beach house has a pool, you don't need to shower the entire vacation (saltwater is exfoliating, chlorine is cleansing)
- if you have a wife, she will make you shower every day
- there is no finer way to spend your day then drinking ice-cold Coors Light and throwing the football on the beach (top this off by coming home to a BBQ)


 
 
[riddle wrapped in
enigma stuffed inside
burrito swallowed by
whale sprayed to
sea captured by UFO]

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